Do you struggle to get your kids off the screen? Unfortunately, there is no getting rid of screens in the modern word. Technology is everywhere around us, and its almost impossible to keep kids away from them. While many see screens as a curse, they do have their blessings. The trick is to make children to spend limited time in front of screens.
Pros and Cons of Screens
Screens are all around us, be it mobile phone, television, laptops. These are increasingly used for communication entertainment, and now, also for education.
As such, it’s a big challenge to keep the kids away from screens.
While many believe that screens are bad for kids, they do have a few advantages as well.
Let’s take a look at the pros and cons of Screens:
Pros
Screens were a big help during the pandemic as it helped kids attend school from home. Computers are increasingly being used by children to find information, learn new things, watch educational videos, and to complete projects.
Children can even use these to learn languages and to try out new recipes. Screens can provide entertainment, and its also a great way to connect with relatives who might be at distant locations.
Cons
While screens do provide entertainment, children often find it difficult to wean themselves away from screens.
Studies found that American kids used screens for entertainment for a whopping 6 hours a day in 2021 . That’s almost 10 times what they spent reading for pleasure, and 5 times that they spent on physical activity. By using screens, kids are also exposed to harmful content like violent video games, online bullying, sexual content, misleading information, and more.
Studies connect screen to unhealthy weight gain because when you use a device for longer periods you are not moving and burning calories. Night-time screen usage hurts by affecting quality of sleep which in turn impacts performance in school.
Other studies suggest that the sights and sounds on screen cause our brains to release dopamine, a chemical that brings short bursts of joy, but also makes us want more and more, almost like a drug. Few other studies suggest that screen reduces the ability to think and reduces the sharpness of our brain. Too much screen time also reduces our social interactions.
However, some studies suggest that there is limited evidence of the negative impact of screens on children, and much of the negatives have been be exaggerated.
How to Get Kids off the Screen?
So how does one get children to stay away from screen, or make them get away from the screen after some time?
Here are some suggestions.
Use a Timer: Tell your kids to use the timer feature on the mobile phone. Every smartphone has a built-in timer and you should tell your kids to use a 15 or 20 min timer before they start using the phone. Its important to set the timer to lesser time because they are likely to use the phone twice or thrice in a day.
“Like so many other parents, I used to give my children warning but those were either ignored or grunted at. Five minutes later, I’d march into the living room and turn the TV/tablet/gadget off, expecting them to silently accept and for us all to have a lovely, quiet dinner together. What I got was screams, tantrums, cold dinner”.
During this lockdown, with everyone at home, I had a great time playing with kids and trying my best to divert them off the screen by coming up with some innovative games, and playing with the different toys they had in their toy room.
But soon, I and my wife got busy and it became a challenge to spend more time with the kids. And the result was that my kids started spending hours in front of the television and mobile phones.
The biggest challenge was to get them off the screen, once they were glued to it. Despite so many reminders, they would continue to play on mobile phones.
And using force was making them throw even more tantrums.
I realized something was wrong. Something was wrong in the way I was approaching the issue. My children aren’t naturally prone to tantrums, so I was thrown by this. I couldn’t work out what I could do to stop the sudden screaming at the end of every screen-time.
I wanted to find a way of gently disconnecting my children from the screen, of bringing them back into the real world without continual bumps and bruises along the way (because this happened almost every night), but I didn’t know how.
Then, after a lot of research n all I found out a solution n was just waiting to try…
I had to find out a real hard-core solution for this.
From that one day to the next, my world changed. I suddenly knew how to handle the end of screen-time without the screams, the tantrums, the cold dinner, or the grey hairs.
Here is the very simple method to end screen-time without the screams.
The science behind screen-time.
Have you ever had the electricity cut off just as the football game reached its most nerve-wracking stage?
Or your toddler pressed the “off” switch just as the final ball in the one ball one run cricket match?
It’s hard to come out of the state of pleasure, which is what screen-time creates in our brains. It’s hard for adults. For a child, it can be terrible. Literally.
Why?
When we human beings (not only children!) are absorbed in a film or playing a computer game, we are, mentally, in another world. Screens are hypnotic to our brains. The light, the sounds, the rhythm of the images puts the brain into a state of flow. We feel good, and don’t want to do anything else. We certainly don’t want the situation to change.
During these moments, our brains produce dopamine, a neurotransmitter which relieves stress-and pain. All is well – that is, until the screen is turned off. The dopamine levels in the body drop fast and without warning, which can, literally, create a sensation of pain in the body. This drop in hormones, this physical shock, is where children’s scream-time begins.
It doesn’t matter that we parents are quite clear that now is the end of screen-time. After all, we’d discussed and arranged it beforehand (”20 minutes!”), and/or given them warning (“5 more minutes!”). To us, it’s clear and fair enough, but to the child, it isn’t. When in front of a screen, she isn’t in a state to think that way or to take that information in. Her brain is awash with dopamine, remember? To turn the “off” switch on the television can, for the child, feel like a shock of physical pain. You’re not exactly slapping her in the face, but this is, neurologically speaking, how it might feel to her.
Cutting her off forcefully is hurtful. So instead of simply switching the “off” button, the trick is not to cut her off, but to instead enter her zone.
The trick: build a bridge
Whenever you decide that screen-time should come to an end, take a moment to sit down next to your child and enter his world. Watch TV with him, or sit with him while he plays his game massacring aliens on the screen. This doesn’t have to be long, half a minute is enough. Just share his experience. Then, ask him a question about it.
“What are you watching?” might work for some kids.
Others might need more specific questions. “So what level are you on now?” or “That’s a funny figure there in the background. Who’s he?”
Generally, children love it when their parents take an interest in their world. If they are too absorbed still and don’t engage, don’t give up. Just sit with them a moment longer, then ask another question.
Once the child starts answering your questions or tells you something she has seen or done on screen, it means that she is coming out of the “cut-off” zone and back into the real world. She’s coming out of the state of flow and back into a zone where she is aware of your existence – but slowly. The dopamine doesn’t drop abruptly, because you’ve built a bridge – a bridge between where she is and where you are. You can start to communicate, and this is where the magic happens.
You can choose to start discussing with your child that it’s time to eat, to go have his bath, or simply that screen-time is over now. Because of the minute of easing-in, your child will be in a space where he can listen and react to your request. He might even have been smoothed back into the real world gently enough, and is so happy about the parental attention that he wants turn off the TV/tablet/computer himself. (I’ve experienced my children do this, hand to heart.)
To me, simply the awareness of what’s going on in my children’s minds helps me handle end-of-screen-time much better than before.
It isn’t always as smooth as I want it to be, but we haven’t had a scream-time incident since I discovered this little trick.
Don’t take my word for it, go and try it yourself
Next time your child is sitting in front of a screen, and you want to end it, try this:
1. Sit with her for 30 seconds, a minute, or longer, and simply watch whatever she is watching/doing.
2. Ask an innocent question about what’s happening on screen. Most children love their parent’s attention, and will provide answers.
3. Once you’ve created a dialogue, you’ve created a bridge – a bridge that will allow your child to, in his mind and body, step from screen back into the real world, without hormones in free-fall, and therefore without crisis.
Just give it a try…
May be it could work wonders for you too…
Enjoy the rest of your day together.
Plug in the Gap with Meaningful Activities
Cutting down on screen time means your children will have more time to engage in other exciting activities such as:
- Engage in a hobby: Singing, cooking, Crochet, etc.
- Write a story or paint a picture or build a fort.
- Go out and play. Ride a bike or learn to skateboard.
Related: Toys and activities to keep kids occupied.
Wrap Up
There’s both good and bad screen time. Using a device for school or talking to grandparents is good screen time but watching hours of TV is bad screen time; unfortunately, children are spending more bad screen time.
Let the kids play different kinds of sports outdoors. Let them ride bike, skates or play some sport of their choice. For the toddlers, its best to get some cool ride-on toy and let them have fun. You will also get the opportunity to bond with your little one, and a little bit of exercise for your own self (constantly being after kids is no less exercise).
Screens help us connect with relatives but they can also disconnect us from those near-by; to stop this, parents can create device-free times such as dinner or family time.
Funtoyworld is a family-managed website with me (Ben), and my wife doing most of the work. We are proud parents of two wonderful kids and love reviewing toys. We have a firm but friendly “democratic parenting” style and offer several practical suggestions backed by extensive research. Our own experience with raising two children prompted us to share our knowledge. Read more.
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